Silly customer complaints received by Thomas Cook
Collected from various sources 
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“I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.”
“It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during ‘siesta’ time — this should be banned.”
“On my holiday to Goa in India , I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food at all.”
“We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels.”
A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a water hole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel “inadequate”.
A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she’d been locked in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the “do not disturb” sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room.
“The beach was too sandy.”
“We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white.”
A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.
“Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women.”
“We bought ‘Ray-Ban’ sunglasses for five Euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake.”
“No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled.”
“It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took the Americans three hours to get home.”
“I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends’ three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller.”
“The brochure stated: ‘No hairdressers at the accommodation’. We’re trainee hairdressers — will we be OK staying here?”
“There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners.”
“We had to queue outside with no air conditioning.”
“It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.”
“I was bitten by a mosquito — no-one said they could bite.”
“My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.”
“I was once asked what large hand luggage could be taken on board for a Kingston flight and when asked to explain what large items meant — the lady in question asked could she take a 3 piece suite (NOT SUIT) — apparently it was a family heirloom and she could not consider it going cargo. She was not happy with the standard 54x45x25 expalnation and could not understand why she could not take it on board. I still to this day cannot board an aircraft without looking at the door and try to imagine how you could get your sofa through there.“
“A friend of mine worked check-in at a far-flung and un-named domestic outstation.
A check-in colleague left to become cabin crew, and when her training was completed, her first day flying was obviously a cause for celebration.
Prior to her positioner to LHR, the staff had a little send-off for her in the station manager’s office. While she wasn’t looking, a vibrator was popped into her wheelie.
Security were tipped-off and they would conduct a manual search, while some of the former colleagues looked on from a discreet distance.
Sure enough, newbie crew passes through arch, ‘Is this your bag madam?,’ and security guard whips the zip open with a flourish to reveal:
Two vibrators, of course.”
